So I haven’t typed up anything in awhile so excuse the butchering of the English language and lacksidaisical attempt on correct prose.
Stupid and completely irrelevant, try-hard jokes aside, I am deciding to type up another entry to vent. Not really vent, get my thoughts out to people who pretend to care about wall-o-texts. Well that doesn’t really matter because I don’t care what anyone thinks of what will be said.
Years ago someone asked me if something was worth it? At that time I said it was. Now I find myself asking that same question. Back then I could not logically think, or had a lack of critical thinking abilities, but I see plenty of answers to keep “it” and to get rid of “it” … Feeling awkward with “it” being used — for fuck sake’s, I’m referring to “it” as an intangible concept. With that bullshit aside. I want to burn bridges. But bonds are like a bank because friendship grows with interest, right? I could be wrong because I never really had a big group of friends. Hell I guess it is then in my case. The reason why I want to part ways is because I’m losing more than what I can earn. I’m a real patient guy; I’m willing to work hard and sometimes I’ll wait for something without working and I’ll get on it. I’ve been thinking I ain’t workin’ hard ‘nuff and it cost me more trouble than what it’s worth. My greatest strength is my memory and the price I’m payin’ is god damn regret. I shouldn’t burn bridges because of my petty psychological/emotional pain. It’s like running because of a fear. I guess what I wanted to get at is: should I give up? I want to but every moment is — pardon my French — god damn fuckin’ worth it.
It’s the instant gratification that sucks me in like those “2 for $4” deals where one of whatever the fuck it is costs $3.50. My patience has always paid off everytime, most of the time, because I also grow as a person. Maybe I’m actually right about something from my early youth and it’s “worth it”.
I’ll take being content all day everyday. I guess I’ll endure regret a little more… Though I used to tell people in eskrima “No regret, no remorse”.
Oh, this partially explains why I’m a complete asshole sometimes and my bouts of blind rage.
Edit from 8/15/14:
@4 days ago
Found this post in my drafts I guess Past-me saving me from present-me.